All the small things...

Since moving to France, Samantha and I have commented time and time again that living here is quite similar to being in Canada, but there are many small differences that are hard to describe. I’ve finally gotten around to putting a few of them on paper, so without further ado I present to you my running list (in no particular order) of differences between Canada and France and the people who call these countries home:

• The French are a very proud group, and are particularly sensitive when it comes to their language. This is something we have no problem with; we’ve been doing our best to learn French and it’s coming along. However, if you want to be understood by someone in France, you had better put on your best accent. The biggest problem here is that the French like imposing their nuances even when using words borrowed from other languages. (Samantha? Never heard that name before. Oh, you mean Sa-man-ta! Bien sûr!) It’s something you get used to, but having to say "Arrie-Potteur" to get a French person to understand that you're talking about the most successful book series of all time is kind of annoying (thanks, Joe for your anecdote!)
• Holiday traditions differ between France and Canada. A few examples include the fact that Easter chocolate is delivered by bells (their treats take the cake in this category since the standard Easter eggs are filled with praline and not the cheap dollar store chalk-olate), when you put a tooth under your pillow it’s a mouse that takes it (the thought of a rodent collecting human teeth is a little unsettling, no?), and that on Valentine’s Day it’s bad luck to buy your significant other an even number of roses (maybe a ploy to see a baker’s dozen rather than the standard 12? who knows…).
• They love listing every ingredient on menus. Definitely the worst culprit of this is “salade.” To a native English speaker, having something with salade seems like a good thing…until you realize that it just means lettuce. The problem is, they overdo it. Oftentimes when I’m having lunch at work they advertise the sides as <insert vegetable> + salade, and what they mean to say is said vegetable with a single piece of lettuce as a garnish.

Carottes et salade, one of the most common side-dishes;
usually served on one slice of lettuce

• Keeping on the subject of food, the French are the most well-mannered eaters I’ve ever seen. Everything is eaten in delicately-crafted bites with a fork and knife and they make me feel like a fool (what can I say, I grew up using my fingers to help scoop the last bite onto my fork). Their downfall is that they stick by this rule to a fault. A few weeks ago the cafeteria at my work was serving chicken wings. All of the French people were struggling with their forks and knives, trying to pull minuscule pieces of chicken off the bones, and I felt like a champion picking them up with my bare hands and cleaning them dry!

Obama knows how to do it right!

• Their unique solution to rapid urban growth shows itself on the numbering of houses. On most streets, you’ll find at least a few places labeled “bis” because they are newly located between existing adjacent numbers … 9, 11, 13, 13 bis, 15, 17, 19, 19 bis, 21…
• It’s really hard to buy vitamins in France. As I’m sure everyone is aware, Samantha is a bit of an advocate for vitamin D, and we’ve been regularly taking our supplements since arriving. We’ve been extra good about taking them because the milk isn’t mandatorily fortified over here (milk is the primary dietary source of vitamin D in Canada). But, when we ran out it was a nightmare to get more. Apparently you need a prescription to buy any appreciable doses. The only thing we were able to find were pills that were bundled with calcium, but they only contained 200 IU of vitamin D (we normally take 1000–3000 IUs per day). Luckily, we were able to buy some vitamin D when we went to London a few weeks ago, but this access barrier might be the reason we’ve noticed so many young people with crutches, but no casts. (Sam plans to research this phenomenon ASAP).

This is what French crutches look like

• The French are very heavy-footed drivers. Every time I go to cross the street I fear for my life as cars come flying towards me only to suddenly stop a few feet before hitting me. I’ve learned that it’s how they drive. They prefer not to slow down at all and will only do so if absolutely necessary as they hope you walk fast enough to be across the street by the time they get to the crosswalk.
• It is expected that you shake hands with everyone, every time you encounter them. And I mean everyone. We’re talking people that I see 5 days a week and work closely with expect me to shake their hand every morning when we run into each other in the hall. I’m a much bigger fan of just saying 'hi' (salut/bonjour) or waving, but I’m pretty sure it’s incredibly offensive to not offer your hand, even to well-known acquaintances. I’m working on this one… This also goes hand-in-hand with the double-cheek-kissing greeting, which is extremely common, even amongst strangers.
• People here are not the best at giving constructive criticism. Maybe we’re too babied in Canada, but if a Canadian has some advice to give it’s usually sandwiched between compliments. Here, they are all too happy to give you the bad with no sugar coating. Take, for example, my French teacher. A few lessons ago, she was teaching us about the plus-que-parfait tense. After finishing her explanation, a student raised her hand to ask about a different situation and whether you should use it in this context. The teacher stared with a puzzled look then promptly said “no, that’s just wrong, you’d never do that” without offering any explanation as to why this was maybe an exception to the rule. Samantha has also experienced similar situations in her classes. Every time a student gives an oral presentation to the class, the teacher takes 5+ minutes to describe everything that was wrong with the presentation so that the whole class can hear. Same thing goes for when you receive a written assignment or exam back. It’s a bit belittling, but I guess helps to thicken your skin…
• The French keyboard is the bane of my existence. They use the slightly modified AZERTY layout, which has 3 major changes: w⟺z (this one gets me every time); m⟺; (I often mix these up, but it’s a minor issue); and a⟺q (I’ve completely gotten used to this swqp). Side note: with an AZERTY keyboard, we are Qlex qnd Sq;qnthq. Fun, eh?

To my French colleagues, hopefully I haven't offended you too much. Until next time, A+ (shorthand for à plutôt)!